You had the conversation. You were clear and kind.
She nodded. She said she understood. Three weeks later you’re staring at the same problem, and you hear yourself say, “But we’ve talked about this.”
WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON
Your brain wants to jump to a verdict. Either she clearly isn’t getting it, or she’s still learning, so let me explain it one more time. Neither one tells you enough.
The real question isn’t whether she made the mistake twice. It’s what happened between mistake one and mistake two.
Feedback is not the intervention. Feedback starts the intervention. Knowing she should escalate sooner is not the same as having built the habit of noticing sooner, and one conversation almost never builds a habit. Meanwhile, compassionate leaders confuse two sentences: “I understand why this is happening” and “Therefore, it’s okay that it keeps happening.”
IN THIS EPISODE
- Why the first mistake is information about two people, not a verdict on one, and what to ask before you call it underperformance
- How to tell learning from repeating by trajectory, and how long to stay close (roughly six weeks)
- The moment your grace turns into enabling, even when she’s brilliant at 90% of her job
THE SEVEN-QUESTION CHECK AFTER REPEATED MISSES
- Was the expectation understood, not just communicated?
- Did we define what good looks like?
- Did she have what she needed: authority, resources, skill, support, time?
- What did she do after the first miss? Did she drive the improvement?
- Is the trajectory improving? Not perfect, but improving.
- Is the problem costing other people time, trust, and energy?
- Am I coaching her or am I carrying her?
Learning sounds like ownership, earlier escalation, and better mistakes. Repetition sounds like defensiveness, blame, head nodding, and everyone around her quietly absorbing the cost.
TRY THIS THIS WEEK
Take the repeated problem you’ve been calling development and run it through the seven questions. Write down your answers. Then answer number seven out loud, to yourself or someone you trust. Don’t edit it on the way out.
IF THE FIRST CONVERSATION IS WHERE YOU’RE STUCK
Download The Feedback Fix, free, and make the first conversation land.
CHAPTERS
00:00 The conversation you already had
01:50 Months past the deadline, and silence
03:20 Mistake one is information, not a verdict
09:15 Mistake two is something to watch
13:00 Coaching her or carrying her
Understanding why it’s happening and deciding it’s okay that it keeps happening are two different sentences.
